Raven and Badger
People have asked me (quite nosily, I think): “Andy, why are the badger and raven in your paintings facing away from each other?”
“Well:” I say.
“Badger had spent all day preparing quite a serious dinner party. Or, rather, he had been looking fervently over the shoulder of his poor chefs, who were themselves preparing the quite-serious dinner party.
“Raven’s invitation had arrived—letterpressed and perfumed—two weeks prior, bringing with it unbridled excitement. Badger’s celebrations, you see, have developed a deserved reputation among refined animals. RSVP dispatched, our avian protagonist began to fret in earnest about choosing a gift for his host.
“Naturally, any edible gift should appropriately complement the dinner’s flavors, but Raven remembered from previous events that Badger’s excitable but indecisive palate had led to menu changes up to (again, remember the poor chefs) hours before showtime.
“It had to be something neutral. Broadly compatible. Chocolates were right out: what if Badger serves a chocolate cake for dessert? And cheese, well: Mouse has enough trouble keeping his rodential habits in control at the dinner table. Cheese would not help the matter. A basket of fruit? No, no, not fine enough.
“Cue Raven, minus a few feathers, at his favorite wine shop. Bottles opened, tastings poured, he found a Viognier that should have pleasantly accompanied whatever (always red) meat Badger’d chosen.
“The night of the party. Raven arrived with the usual ritual: warm handshakes, smiles all around, the bottle proffered, thanks returned (‘this will pair beautifully with the squab!’). The crowd sprawled vague and disjoint social circles, and conversation meandered effortlessly.
“Everyone found their seats at the dinner table (thanks to calligraphied place-cards). All guests now expectant and awaiting their soon-to-have-been-fabulous dinner, conversation fell into a brief lull.
“White leather gloves placed course one before each guest simultaneously. As silver lids revealed the contents of the covered bowls beneath, Badger’s beatific smile faltered. ‘Excuse me a moment,’ he said. ‘Please enjoy.’
“Some clamor ensued from a distant hallway (something about a lumpy quenelle?), but the party’s genial atmosphere soaked up concern before it shadowed the mood. Badger returned and scarfed a tepid slice of langoustine, silent.
“The ramp course elicited another grimace from Badger. His guests, now lubricated with several glasses of fine wine, and blissfully enjoying the room’s conversation (have you seen the new Picasso exhibition at the Antoni?), hardly noticed his departure or the crash of distant copper.
“Badger’s staff delivered the squab with some trepidation, then sighed in relief as he jubilantly attacked his dish. Now, as Badger engaged his guests in a fiendish brain teaser involving snowmen and a checkerboard, it was Raven’s countenance that cracked.
“What about his wine? The Viognier chosen with such care? Was it not good enough for Badger? Of course not—the snob! What a brute. Raven delicately inquired if his host might like to sample the gifted wine with his squab. Oh, but a stout Sauv had already been poured. And the guests would need to drive home yet.
“Now quite warm-bellied himself, Raven wondered aloud about the fitness of Badger’s constitution. His host, in no mood after the first two courses’ disappointments, pointed out the nearest fraternity for his guest. Which elicited from Raven a crack about smoking vests. Then from Badger a retort cleverly rhyming ‘molting’.
“The guests’ jocular laughter wilted into tense silence as the exchange continued then devolved into respective hissing and squawking from either side of the table. Time seemed to slow as Raven’s flailing wing (gesturing luridly) toppled the hand-crafted crystal wine glass that (until very recently) sat before him. And then as Badger pounced over the shards and tumbled with Raven across the floor.
“No one really talks about the events that ensued. As with everything in this kind of company, everyone pretends nothing happened (Badger: ‘oh, how is that Raven fellow? haven’t seen him in ages!’)—until you get them alone. Then, in whispers, you’ll hear about how Raven got that scar on the back of his neck and why Badger’s deep carpet needed shampooing. And a return visit for more shampooing.”
So that’s why they face away from each other. Just don’t tell anyone I told you.
